BY AARDE WRITES for WEEKLY VOLCANO 2/6/26 |
Hey Aarde,
Dating in 2026 is like dragging yourself through shards of glass and across hot coals by broken fingertips. I have gone to therapy, hugged my inner child, and integrated my shadows. I built a successful business, I own my own home, and I have a quarterly homeowners’ tasks Excel spreadsheet. I call my mom once a week, I open doors for the elderly, and babies seem to like me. Why is finding a worthy date so difficult? The apps are stale. I linger in the produce aisles, keep my eyes respectful at the gym, and join groups related to my hobbies, and still cannot seem to find a partner. So now what? Die alone?
Signed,
Commitment Ready
Hey Commitment Ready,
Welp, it sounds to me like you are a catch. You hit every nail on the head with each respective first swing. If you have done all the things you say you have done, I am not doubting you, then there should be someone out there who has done the same and is also waiting to run into you. Therefore, the question is how to find them when online algorithms have grown dull, and the monotonous swiping of their “merchandise” feels shallow, predictive, and boring.
So, let’s shift to the Law of Attraction. Like attracts like. Keep your dominant thoughts focused on the possibility of a match, meaning, do not give up. Out of eight billion people, the probability of finding someone to shower with love is high. While it is unlikely you will find a flawless human, it is far more likely you will find compatible partners with whom you can compromise, build, and grow a relationship.
This is where the Law of Detachment comes in. It suggests you must release your emotional attachment to the outcome. When you sit in the wanting position for too long, it signals to the universe that you do not have it, and the universe mirrors back a vibration of lack. That is why you will hear people say that when they finally give up, get busy with passion projects, take on huge professional tasks, or fully engage with life, the universe suddenly presents an option.
Now, seeing how you have redirected your energy elsewhere and are still coming up empty-handed, we should consider inattentional blindness, a theory which suggests that when you are hyper-focused on finding something, you often cannot see it even when it is right in front of you. Maybe you are overlooking a friend.
The main point is, once you truly detach from the outcome and immerse yourself in a new hobby, connection often appears when you least expect it. And if you would rather not leave it to chance, there is no shame in taking the initiative by working with a licensed, certified matchmaker.
Surprisingly, many people are turning to matchmaking services in modern dating culture, especially professionals who do not have the time or energy to linger in produce or craft aisles. Hookup culture is exhausting, and many folks are seeking long-term commitments with depth and interpersonal nuance that often require human navigation. Humans still outperform AI-run dating programs when it comes to curated introductions based on interviews, values, authenticity, lifestyle, goals, and interpersonal dynamics.
Matches are hand-selected, vetted, often with background checks, reference verification, and personal screening, and private. Clients receive guidance, feedback, and coaching, with post-date evaluations used to refine future matches.
So, how does it work? After an initial consultation and compatibility assessment, a profile is created from interviews rather than self-written bios. Matches are selected from a private database or an extended network, and introductions are usually semi-structured to emphasize accountability and intentional pacing. Coordinated introductions and follow-ups help the matchmaker collect essential data to refine the client experience. Unlike dating apps, with their fatiguing, limitless catalog of poorly suited options, matchmakers present their clients with very few, but far more viable selections.
Today’s matchmakers bridge traditionally arranged introductions with modern autonomy, and in many cultures, this remains the primary method for forming lasting marriages. Overall, the emphasis shifts away from superficial traits and misrepresentation toward greater intentionality and emotional investment.
Of course, there are downsides. It can be costly, may take longer, relies heavily on the matchmaker’s ethics and skill, and still carries an antiquated public perception. If hiring a matchmaker is not feasible, you can still practice the Law of Attraction with emotional detachment. Clearly set your intention, feel aligned with it in the present, and release the need to control when or how it arrives. Start now by repeating this affirmation a few times a day: “I choose what I desire, embody the feeling now, and trust life enough to let go.”
If you would like to research further, here are a few matchmakers to explore: NYA Love and Dating Services, PNW Matchmaking, Tawkify, Discover Love Matches, Simply Matchmaking, and Sophisticated Matchmaking. Or try a free personal favorite. Tell your friends and family you are open to being set up, and let them vet the world around you.
Do you have a question for Ask Aarde? Send via email to jdaarde@gmail.com
