BY AARDE WRITES for WEEKLY VOLCANO | 9/4/2026
Hey Aarde,
My father has been living with dementia for some time now. Up until now, he has been able to function normally: bathing, shopping, cooking, driving, even golfing. But lately, his driving has really worried my siblings, and we are considering when to pull his license. He has been in a few fender benders and seems to drive pretty erratically. How do we know when is when?
Signed,
Concerned Caretaker
Hey Concerned Caretaker,
Firstly, I am so sorry that you are on the dementia journey, as it can be extremely challenging, saddening, frustrating, and emotionally exhausting. Still, you deserve kudos for being present and putting aside the energy this disease requires.
The Alzheimer’s Association reports that 7.2 million Americans aged 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s dementia in 2025, and that this number is expected to grow to 13.8 million by 2060 without major medical breakthroughs. Up front, that seems like a lot of people on the road, operating heavy machinery, who might not be qualified to do so. Except, a diagnosis alone doesn’t mean someone should automatically stop driving. Some early stage patients can continue driving safely for a surprising number of years.
Now, before we talk about who should approach this topic and when, let’s cover the nuances of what this means to your father. The reality is that quitting driving strips away a person’s independence, personal identity, and routine. It can lead to deep grief, feelings of being a burden, and isolation, none of which are good for aging adults who thrive best when surrounded by communities and activities.
Unfortunately, dementia can be complicated, as some people can develop anosognosia, a cognitive decline that creates a lack of self-awareness, changing the brain by stopping people from noticing their own deficits. So don’t be too hard on him or yourself if or when he fights back that his driving is fine. And it makes sense that there is an emotional and historical attachment to driving; it’s directly tied to the habit and pride in having the freedom, direction, and ability to navigate throughout one’s life.
It’s no easy task for the caregiver, either. You may worry about hurting your loved one’s feelings, damaging their trust, or suddenly becoming a full-time chauffeur. So, let’s get to the nitty-gritty: when and how do you bring up the elephant in the room?
First, don’t wait for a crisis. Choose a “good day” when your father is rested, calm, and thinking clearly (often late morning or early afternoon) and avoid times when he is tired, upset, confused, or experiencing sundowning. Talk somewhere quiet and familiar with only one or two trusted people present. Keep the conversation short, simple, and direct, and, whenever possible, approach it as a shared plan rather than as a decision made for him.
Any changes in health, medications, or cognitive status can provide a natural opening, especially when his doctor is already involved. I’d advise asking his permission to attend his checkups. An increase in the frequency or severity of driving warning signs, a change in finances, or even changes involving the vehicle itself can also create an opportunity to begin the conversation.
You can start small. Offer to drive to the grocery store, pick him up for an outing, or help arrange another form of transportation. And do so with grace. Giving up driving often means relying on others, and it can be difficult to trust that someone else will arrive on time, get you where you need to go, or offer the same freedom you once had.
In the meantime, pay close attention to patterns that may indicate his driving is becoming unsafe; look for new dents or scrapes, getting lost on familiar routes, difficulty judging distance, driving unusually slowly or quickly, missing signs or signals completely, confusing the gas and brake pedals, becoming overwhelmed in traffic, or having frequent close calls, all of which are warning signs. Keep in mind that one incident may not tell the whole story, but repeated incidents deserve attention. Make sure you ride with him often to get a good baseline, and ask trusted family members or friends who have ridden with him what they have noticed, too.
And in your father’s case, a few fender benders combined with erratic driving are certainly enough to warrant taking the concern seriously.
If you’re still unsure what those warning signs mean, you don’t have to make the assessment alone. A professional driving evaluation can provide some much needed clarity. An occupational therapist specializing in driving rehabilitation can evaluate the physical, visual, and cognitive skills necessary for safe driving and help determine the best path forward.
Fortunately, one of Washington state’s driving rehabilitation specialists is right here in Tacoma with Jillian Kirschke, PLLC, whose website, www. compassdrivingrehab.com, covers how dementia isn’t the only reason someone might benefit from an assessment. Changes in vision, mobility, or cognition, as well as stroke, Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis, injuries, disabilities, and age-related changes, can all affect driving. Through comprehensive evaluation, individualized training, and adaptive equipment when appropriate, a driving rehabilitation specialist can help answer the question your family is struggling with: Can Dad continue driving safely as he is? Could adjustments or retraining help? Or is it time to begin transitioning away from the driver’s seat?
Because ultimately, the goal isn’t to take away his independence. It’s to find the safest way to preserve as much of it as possible.
