BY AARDE WRITES for WEEKLY VOLCANO 4/24/26 |
Hey Aarde,
I’m graduating soon, and I feel proud but also really nervous. I’ve been in school for 16 years, so it’s hard to imagine life without teachers and a clear routine. Starting a job feels like stepping into a whole new world where I’m expected to already know what I’m doing. But I don’t. I’m worried about messing up or feeling overwhelmed. Are there some small steps I can take to make the transition smoother? How can I keep a positive mindset and manage older people’s expectations of perfection right away?
Signed,
Nervous Graduate
Hey Nervous Graduate,
Remember when you learned to ride a bike, and you had training wheels? When you learned to swim, and you had floaties on your arms? How about when you were learning to bowl, and they put up those bumpers? At some point, someone removed them, and suddenly you felt alone. You realized that you had developed skills that, with enough practice and gumption, you could do it without the external support. You’re at that point again, and even though it can be scary, all of us have had to do it, and we were all as scared as you feel right now. The support system that guided your daily life is shifting, and you are being asked to trust yourself a little more.
Think of the thousands of kids all graduating alongside you. All of them are, most likely, feeling the same as you. So it’s good to know that you aren’t alone.
Now, not one person, eighteen or forty-eight, walks into a job knowing what to do. If they exude confidence, it’s most likely because they’ve had to learn as they go, just like everybody else. They didn’t start that way. Some have helpful coworkers and patient bosses; others have competitive colleagues and corporate oppressors. Think of the older folks that you know. Yes, some got a job and stuck with the same company their entire adult lives, but the majority of adults have had multiple jobs, if not shifts in careers entirely. Just remember, whichever environment you find yourself in, how others act is outside your control and doesn’t define your growth. And it’s not permanent; you always have the option to leave and find something better.
Not having a schedule handed to you, after so long of having one, can feel like you’re unanchored at sea, so throw some buoys in the water for you to tie off to. Those buoys act as markers for the race, places to rest and reassess. My advice? Start developing a simple daily structure now. One of the benefits of being an adult is making your own decisions. Ask yourself some questions about what a successful day looks like to you. Be realistic and keep it simple. Set a wake-up time that you can keep. I don’t mean make it at noon and trick yourself into believing you’re winning at life if you wake up naturally at 11:45. What I mean is to take responsibility for your own success and be accountable to yourself by setting up a very attainable challenge. Consider this a one-player game that you’re trying to win.
Next, set a few tasks that you can easily accomplish. I suggest writing a list of ten things you’d like or need to get done the night before. Then prioritize the two most important tasks; you can determine this by considering whether they affect the people around you or the functionality of your basic life. Things like “check in on a friend that you’d said you’d call,” “pay a bill before it is due,” or “plan and cook a real meal so you have leftovers for the week.” Completing these small tasks reduces anxiety more than you think, allowing you to go about your day with the time to focus on other tasks, like applying for college, jobs, or apprenticeships.
In the first few months, your job isn’t to impress everyone and do everything perfectly. It is to understand how things work. And believe me, sometimes things don’t make any logical sense and can take a while to grasp the nuances. Instead of focusing on hiccups as failures, view them as opportunities to collect data. Keep in mind, no one wins the game on the first try. You’re learning the rules, the challenges, and the puzzles. We all are, so be patient with those around you, too. And remember, the higher the level you are on, the more difficulties you have to assess.
When you’re given directions or assigned a task, don’t be afraid to ask questions; this shows engagement and isn’t an indication that you don’t know anything. Most managers would rather give more directions than fix a problem later. Unfortunately, instructions are often very vague, so don’t hesitate to ask for clarification on how to break the task into smaller sections. Remember, you are not there to be perfect. You are there to show that you can learn, adapt, and take on responsibility. If someone expects perfection, it is unrealistic and unattainable, and you shouldn’t internalize it. Their unrealistic expectations are out of your control. Learn from the healthy, mature adults around you; they have made mistakes, learned from them, and are still around to talk about it.
I suggest finding a therapist or life coach who can help you sort through the data you collect and put it to the best use in processing and developing your personhood in a healthy way. There are plenty of professionals to choose from, so if you don’t feel you’re getting what you need from one, find another. If you don’t have insurance, try some of the more affordable online apps.
And finally, to keep a positive mindset, try this: at the end of each day, write down one thing you learned and one thing you handled well. It trains your brain to notice growth instead of just stress. Your brain only knows what you show and tell it. Why not show and tell it how capable, adaptable, and resilient it is? You got this!
