BY AARDE WRITES for WEEKLY VOLCANO | 11/13/26
Hey Aarde,
I’ve been single for quite some time now, and honestly, I love it most of the time. While there are those few moments when all I want is a little snuggle, sometimes the drama of dating and getting comfortable enough to settle into it comes with too much trouble. It leaves me wondering if it’s even worth it.
Signed,
Easy Snuggles
Hey Easy Snuggles,
Look, plenty of research supports the importance of human touch to our physical and emotional well-being, and it makes sense that you crave it, but let’s break down what you’re missing and what’s standing in the way of getting it. There is a difference between being lonely and just being horny for a hug. Wanting someone to put their arm around you while you sit in Wright Park watching the leaves fall requires a willing participant and a public bench. Having someone hold you while you grieve the loss of a loved one, navigate a major career change, or face a health crisis asks for something a little deeper: trust, familiarity, and emotional investment. Neither necessarily requires romance, but one asks a little more of the person sitting beside you.
And here’s the rub: Sometimes what makes a snuggle so satisfying isn’t the physical contact itself, but the familiarity of the person providing it. There’s a particular comfort in being held by someone who knows your history and your habits. That kind of ease takes time to develop, whether the relationship is romantic or not. Perhaps that’s the trouble you’re really weighing.
There’s a term for the longing you’re describing: touch starvation, sometimes called skin hunger. It describes the desire for physical contact that can show up even when you’re perfectly happy with your life. You may have a full social calendar, fulfilling friendships, and be enjoying your glorious independence, yet your body can still crave the comfort of another person’s touch. Physical affection can help regulate stress, promote feelings of safety and connection, and support our emotional well-being.
And those benefits aren’t reserved for romantic partners. Hugs from friends, cuddling pets, massage therapy, social dancing, and even professional cuddlers can offer different forms of physical comfort. Yes, professional cuddling is real! It’s a strictly platonic service built around consent, boundaries, and physical affection. Think of it as hiring a massage therapist, except you keep your clothes on during a static embrace. Of course, do your homework and check their training, reviews, and policies beforehand. It might sound a little unconventional, but what if what you’re craving is simply the warmth of another human being and nothing more?
As far as society goes, we’ve been sold a pretty elaborate bill of goods about romance. But being coupled isn’t the ultimate measure of success. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be single, and more and more people are making that choice for themselves. So, knowing when and where you can receive safe touch is a question that many people are asking.
There is an unspoken peace in having the freedom to eat whatever and whenever you want, to sleep unbothered, and to build a life you genuinely enjoy without needing someone else to validate your decisions. Surrendering that autonomy for a good spooning can often feel like a bad toss-up. So, now what?
Dating out of obligation or as a means to an end is like going grocery shopping when you’re not hungry; you’ll inevitably come home with food you don’t need. It might behoove you to expand your definition of intimacy, recognizing that emotional connection, physical affection, sex, and commitment don’t have to be a package deal. Figuring out what you’re actually craving might save you the awkward introductions, emotional vulnerability, and potential challenges or complications of inviting an occasional newbie into your life.
It’s nice to know you’re not alone, since plenty of people genuinely enjoy companionship and affection without seeking traditional partnerships. Casual dating can work if you define it clearly from the beginning and agree on the terms together. The trick here is being forthright about what you’re offering and expecting. Identify your boundaries and expectations ahead of time, and communicate them clearly. You can invite someone into your life without immediately giving them access to your house key.
Of course, there’s a difference between unnecessary drama and the ordinary growing pains of getting comfortable with someone. Learning each other’s habits and figuring out where you fit into each other’s lives takes time. Even the most casual companionship requires a little consideration and compromise. All relationships take some work.
Now, if your idea of snuggling goes further than a reciprocal embrace, that’s a different conversation and one worth having before anyone drops their panties. It should go without saying, but be sure you’re advocating for your sexual health and safety. Casual doesn’t mean careless, so discuss consent, boundaries, STI testing, protection, and expectations beforehand. After all, the goal is to satisfy a craving, not acquire a complication requiring antibiotics or an unwanted pregnancy. It’s always a good idea to have a trusted friend who you share your location and/or timeline details with.
And while we’re discussing boundaries, remember that they aren’t necessarily barriers. Some are firm, like your safety, while others can be adjusted as your needs and circumstances change. You’ve worked hard to build a life you enjoy, and it makes sense that you’d want to protect it. But there’s a difference between protecting your peace and building a fortress that keeps everyone out. Ask yourself whether dating genuinely doesn’t appeal to you or whether the possibility of disappointment has made the effort feel less worthwhile. Neither answer is wrong, but understanding the difference might help you decide what, if anything, you’re willing to make room for.
You don’t owe anyone access to your peace simply because you occasionally crave a little tenderness. But you don’t have to become so committed to your independence that you deny yourself the pleasure of sharing it, either. You can love being single today, want a little company tomorrow, and change your mind again by Friday. No contract requires you to choose one way of living and stick to it forever. So, Easy Snuggles, is the snuggle worth the trouble? Only when the trouble is worth the person.
Do you have a question for Aarde? Email jdaarde@gmail.com.
